It was a bitter chill spring thrift night, and all was windy yet still, quiet yet loud for the pining of a cat child on an angry stone wall. Just then, not a blink of a pigeon dove had past, and sweep round the corner did a mother coming home from working clean. But then she paused, seeing Mr Tibbles and Fluffer’s love child shivering on twiggy legs on that very wall aforementioned I did. She looked, and smiled, then gasped! She gasped the gasp of a thousand thirsty cowboy snakes crawling through the desert on their bellies. And gasp she might! For gasp you surely would, had you too witnessed the predicament of the billy-goat kitty.
On this, the coldest of nights, when the breeziest of winds did blow, a solitary moon tear dropped down the face of the mother, for sniffle cat pup was lacking essential rear attire. With determination like rocks built from stones of a ferocious wall, mother charged home, to where her loving and gracious daughters would surely be waiting.
Bursting in and raising her arms majestically, a hush of silence fell over the room for a space.
“Many a road I have traveled…” she began
“Closeth the door…” Muttered a more insolent daughter child.
“Many a road I have traveled, and all the way I think of my plump girl childs…”
She pausethed for dramatic effect.
“…This very day month, dear girls, I saw a heinous sight – I saw a pantsless animal”
The daughters gasped the gasp of a thousand moon pigs.
“It madeth me fear for my own children and their threadbare knickers!”
“Then, I had a truly inspirational idea thought! We shall have a pants fest, why not! Each of you, take your money of pockets and go your separate ways. You must purchase pants of under for each of your siblings and your mother. Tonight, we will meet back here and begin the Pants Giving! And do not be afraid, for anything goes; big pants, small pants, coloured and plain; frilly, flat, flowery, silk…go now! And know that our butts shall never be cold and unsexy ever again!”
That night, they exchanged pants with one another, and oh! How they laughed!
And that, my friends, is the tale of the first pantsgiving.
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